3 months old

I cannot believe that Caroline is three months old today. I don't even know where September has gone. The end of September means the end of my maternity leave and I go back to my same position but on a 60% contract. We will see how this all goes when I return on Tuesday. I have very mixed emotions. I am so sad not to be home every day with my little ones. This was shown last night in the car when I told Graham that I was glad tomorrow was Saturday so he would be home. Then the realization that my last full week home was over hit, and the tears flowed. On the other hand, I miss my students and the peeps I work with so it will be nice to see all of them.

Caroline is just a joy to be with and the in the first three months she has changed so much. She is a very easy baby so I am sure that is why she felt the need to throw the eating wrench into the game. Things were just going way to smoothly. She hardly ever fusses and loves to watch all that goes on around her. She is starting to grab for toys and loves any kind of light and or music. She somewhat giggled the other day and is full of smiles.

So here is the latest update on the eating fiasco.... the last week has been one sob fest after another mainly by me. It just kept getting worse and worse so I was finally done self diagnosing and I took her to see the pediatrician to rule out any medical issue. She weighed in at 13 lbs 12 oz so her weight was just fine so no worries of reflux or digestive functioning. Ears were perfect but she did find a small blister on her throat that might have been causing eating issues. We would then have a good day and then a bad but in the end I have made the decision that trying to nurse her is just too stressful for both of us. So here is the oxymoron in this all I have starting pumping pretty good. So for right now I pump a bottle and because of my over supply I have plenty in my freezer. So my hope is to go for another two weeks and reevaluate. If then I am not pumping as much I will start weaning her onto formula. The funny thing of this all is that it truly is like a death. I hate the fact that I don't really know what caused it to happen. I seriously have gone through the grief cycle and a range of emotions. I feel very jipped in this all. I have been incredibly sad and angry. The biggest thing is the guilt of it all. I nursed Julia for 8 months so I feel like I am letting Caroline down. However I know every baby is different. So that is where we stand. Right now I am just going day to day one step at a time.
She is truly a gift.

I have cute pics from the baseball game last night that I will post tomorrow!