No sleep = positive

So last night I was in bed at 7:30 and was out!  This week sleeping at night was very hard.  Now, I have never had an easy time falling asleep and have some weird habits. I have always struggled with falling asleep since I was little.  I wish I could be like Julia and Graham and fall asleep when my head hits the pillow.  Poor Caroline is just like me.  Guess she got that short end of the stick:)

I haven't seen the doctor since my ultrasound appointment last Tuesday.  Like I said in my last post I am pretty positive until I get closer to an appointment.  So problem number one is if I wake up at night I can't go back to sleep because my mind is thinking and usually thinking worst case scenarios.  The other problem I deal with is actually a good thing but keeps me up during the night.  The hemorrhage is healing but in order for it to go away and get smaller the blood has to come out.  Sorry if this is gross but it is my reality.  So this week it always happens at night and wakes me up.  The difference between this bleeding and the bleeding from the day at school is that this is old blood and brown.  However, I am traumatized from that day at school, so any time I feel it I immediately rush to the bathroom to check for bright red blood.  

Thursday afternoon was my doctors appointment and I was a nervous wreck.  My doctor is really sweet and always acts so excited to see me.  I was telling her about my sleep and anxiety issues and she reassured me that she wants the hemorrhage to come out.  Even if I have heard that many times it always makes me feel better to hear it again.  She then went over the report from the high risk group and she told me she has never seen a hemorrhage heal the way mine is healing.  She explained it could be because it is located close to my cervix.  I may have had bad luck with the size of my hemorrhage but lucked out with the location. 

The next thing we needed to talk about was my leave for work.  I was only approved through the next week.  Imagine my surprise when she said we could discuss the possibility of going back to work!  It really brings mixed emotions.  I am excited to start putting more activity in my day but of course nervous that work may be too much.  No matter what is decided I will be a nervous wreck for these next 23 weeks.  So we decided to reevaluate at next weeks appointment.  We decided that if I do go back it will be after our fall break which gives me until November 4th.  Really I just need to start adding some activity back into my day so I can build my stamina again!